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| One of the few images of FDR in his chair. Image courtesy of Wikipedia. |
First, an apology, I didn’t write last week, which I hope
the reasons why will become clear. Last week was a week in which the enormity
of what this scholarship is and the distances I’ll be travelling have become
unshrouded in my mind, which has often been a place of tumult, and this hasn’t
gone down well. There were points last week where I was in a state of terror
around whether I’d be well enough to go to the States and whether I’d burn out
whilst out there. Whilst the terror has abated a little, these are still clear
and present dangers as far as I and the trip are concerned. I did seriously
consider sacking it all off and not going.
I read an article last week, which I’ll paraphrase below,
that discussed how we have a real problem talking about mental health as we
still don’t think of it as an equal priority with physical health. This
division is a harmful one and I find my mental health has a greater impact on
my day to day life than my physical health (I’m a type one diabetic). This
stigmatised approach to these issues pervades, and makes me feel a kind of
guilt for being ill in this way which my diabetes (another chemical imbalance)
does not. This guilt exacerbates symptoms. Removing such division societally would
help anyone feeling distress to understand that there is no more
shame to be felt than if they had tonsillitis. Illness is illness, and health
is health. This is easier said than done.
FDR contracted polio (though some scholars believe this
could have been Guillain–Barré) at age 39, which left him with permanent
paralysis from the waist down, and unable to stand or walk without support.
Throughout his political career there was some effort put into concealing his
illness. There was “a gentlemen’s agreement” between FDR and the press corps to
hide the extent of his disability, and the Associated Press wrote that
it was “virtually a state secret.” The Secret Service used force. As Editor
& Publisher reported in 1936, if agents saw a photographer taking a
picture of Roosevelt, say, getting out of his car, they would seize the camera
and tear out the film. It was reported but mentions of Roosevelt’s wheelchair
were extremely rare. Far more commonly, news coverage depicted him as someone
who had been stricken by polio but who had triumphed over his
affliction.
I think this is unhelpful. Yes – it was a different time
and views on disability have altered in the intervening 80 years, however
should we speak of Roosevelt more prominently as a disabled President and a
positive role model from the past? Absolutely. America’s record on, for
example, broadcasting of para-sport is poor for example. Admittedly, the UK’s
got a real shot in the arm from Channel 4’s coverage of the Paralympics in
2012. But illness, disability, difference should be spoken about and
celebrated. From my theatre work, some of the best nights in the theatre I’ve
ever had have been watching companies that embrace and enable this difference,
in both performer, creative and audience, with companies like Graeae and the
Ramps on the Moon project (which Nottingham Playhouse is leading on next year).
For me too, I must be open: I could hide away from the way I’m feeling about
the trip and my health (minus the Secret Service agents) but I don’t think that
this will help me, the guilt I semi-foolishly feel about being ill (as I
mentioned in the second paragraph) and, in bottling it up, will lead to a
pressure cooker gasket blowing, likely to be when I’m away without support. This
is also the greatest affinity I’ve felt with Roosevelt since being awarded the
scholarship, that we live in societies which are going increasingly accepting
of illnesses but within accepted narratives. Unlearning that being ill in your
head is the same as being ill in your pancreas (for example) is for me a
challenge, but one which I have to work on before I go. FDR again comes to mind
– yes, he had the support apparatus of the State, but I too have support of
family, friends, the amazing NHS, and this could be the biggest thing I try and
do before my trip starts in earnest in October.
Here's to hoping and happier thoughts.